Why You Should Ponder Death
Lately, I've been pondering death. I seem to do this every few years, and I'm not entirely sure what brought it on this time. Maybe it was attending the wedding of a young man I've known since he was an infant (an experience that made me feel both very happy and very old). Or perhaps it's the extra time I had for reflection during this month as I'm doing a digital detox (more on that in a future newsletter!). And I'm sure that eighteen months of COVID-19 had an impact. Regardless, it seems as if each day brings another reminder of just how precious life is and how fast it goes!
And I hear some similar reflections from so many of my coaching clients, colleagues, and friends:
Wanting to refine their work to get rid of what no longer lights them up.
Ending relationships with customers that are no longer a fit.
Looking for new jobs that are more aligned with their values.
Giving more generously of their time and resources to others.
Promoting their work in a way that's much more honest and much less salesy.
There are lots of conversations about how we're spending our time, where we can make the most impact, and what fulfills us. And interestingly, money is not the first lens people are looking through as they ponder these things. In some cases, they're consciously leaving money on the table as the work feels out of alignment.
Pondering death as a way to support us in living a better life is certainly not new. It's an idea discussed at length in Stephen R. Covey's classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His Habit #2 is "Start with the end in mind." And when he says end, he means it as he invites us to imagine being at our own funeral and asks us to reflect on what we'd want people to say in our eulogy. And as I've thought about this, I know some of the things I'd like to be called include a loving and committed partner, a passionate coach, and a loyal friend. Notice there's no mention of TED talks, millions made, or Instagram followers (not that there's anything wrong to want those things).
The writer David Brooks takes this idea a step further and asks us if we're fostering Resume Virtues, or Eulogy Virtues. Now we all need a resume and experiences that support it. Still, if I'm honest with myself and review some of the mistakes, wrong turns, and dead-ends in my personal and professional life, I see that many of them were decisions I made to bolster my resume, not my eulogy.
So next time you have a decision to make, think about your own eulogy. Is this decision in alignment with who you want to be and how you want to be remembered?
